I don't always like surprises. I like to know beforehand exactly what is in store and to have everything planned down to the smallest detail. If something happens to my organized schedule, *gasp!* I nearly fall apart.
You'd think that after all the curve balls I've been thrown in my life that I would have learned how to just "go with the flow". And, in my defense, I'm far more flexible than I used to be. Really! But I obviously have a lot to learn.
Looks like I'll be doing some of that "learning" fairly intensely for awhile.
Our future at the moment is almost totally uncertain. It seems that every careful plan and every fondly held dream has crumbled around us and we're left in darkness and confusion. We don't know which step to take next. Our family is at a crossroad and we feel the weight of decision very, very heavily. I think my husband feels sort of like he's picking his way through a minefield, trying to be oh, so careful of that next step, afraid that if he makes one wrong move what's left of our world will be blown away. For over a year we've dealt with questions and burdens that almost no one knows about...except God. Oh, I'm so glad He knows!
It's difficult for me to just let go and trust. I feel like a bird, beating my wings incessantly against a cage of helplessness. It's exhausting. I want to DO something NOW! I have to know! My husband has to KNOW! I don't want to wait one second more; I want to get my plans all made and start getting things in order again...and when I don't see that happening I feel frustration and anger.
And, it's not only our present situation, but the heartbreaking news we've received of a friend who has been told that cancer has returned. He and his young family are, of course, devastated by the news and worn out with the decisions and questions with which they're being pummeled. I'm sure they have some of the same questions we do. Why? What do we do now? What does our future hold?
What comes next?
He knows that in my helplessness, I'm the safest.
And He waits for me to be still.
He hasn't been taken by surprise; He knew what would happen before the world was in place. He doesn't need my neat little lists and careful planning to make my world work, and He's not limited to our days, minutes, hours. He is infinite. All-knowing. And He's good, even when I'm tempted to doubt it.
Our future is unknown, but we have a Guide Who is all-knowing.
And He's all we need.