Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Homeschool, Little Boy Troubles, and Hope!

We've finally begun our homeschool year in earnest. Because of moving and other things we have some catching-up to do. We're trying some new things this year and, even though it's taking awhile to get used to everything, I think the children are enjoying it. For the first time we're using Math U See, Mystery of History, Apologia Science, Growing with Grammar, Soaring with Spelling, and a couple others that are also new to us. We're also using the Apologia Bible books. (If any of you have used these curricula and can offer any pointers I'd be most grateful!) It can be overwhelming, but it's fun...most of the time. Homeschooling is definitely challenging and sometimes I wonder if they're really "getting it". But I wouldn't have it any other way!  I know that home is where they're supposed to be.

While we're homeschooling, I'm trying to spend time with my three-year-old son and to train him. He's our "strong-willed" child and, though I love him dearly, he definitely knows how to try my patience! Yesterday was particularly difficult. I couldn't wait for bedtime! Then, when he was asleep, I looked at that beautiful, angelic face and could hardly believe that it was the same boy. And then the guilt set in. Could that precious, innocent child be the same disobedient, obstinate, wild boy I had so much trouble with today!?

In homeschooling and in training my son I feel hopeless at times. I told my husband yesterday that "the girls are never going to graduate...and (Little Boy) is going to wind up in prison...."  And last night, when it was finally quiet, I cried out to God, telling Him of my inadequacies and inability and notifying Him, like He didn't already know, that I'm a failure at this! But, once again, He listened to my hopeless "wailing" and then so sweetly offered encouragement. Nothing like a lightning bolt from the blue or anything, just the assurance that, even though I can't do these things like I want to and even though, in myself, I do fail over and over again,  He gave me these children and called me to homeschool, and He will never ask me to do anything for which He won't give me the strength and wisdom I need. But He waits for me to admit that in myself I can do nothing, and He stands ready to offer me help and hope! He knows my heart. He knows that my deepest desire is for my children to live for Him and to live with Him in Heaven someday. All He asks for is my obedience and my trust in Him.

I'm sure I haven't completely learned this lesson. I'll probably be on my knees again soon crying to God in despair. But He'll be waiting, and He'll listen, and once again He'll offer me the hope to carry on.

What would I do without Him?


  1. So beautiful and so needed today! Thank you for sharing your heart.

  2. Oh, I've soooo been there....and I have to remind myself of the verse that says "he knoweth our frame and remembereth that we are dust" or some such wording! =) You share your heart so beautifully, Jessica...thank you!

  3. Thank you! That verse is just perfect.


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